I Was, I Am, I Will Always Be
by Irrevocable Truth
Summary: He was in love with her, and she was in love with him--simple as that. Finding the words to say so was a bit more complicated, though.
1. Tell Her

**I was determined.**

Today I would tell her.

I would finally tell her what I had been meaning to tell her since that day.

That day when I woke up and noticed that I no longer felt the same way I did for Mikan Sakura, and realized I felt much stronger emotions for the girl that I had always managed to overlook.

_Hotaru Imai._

That time, I was sick and I had to be confined in the hospital.

At first I thought it was just the medication I was taking. _Yes, that must be it_, I told myself.

But even after the five-day confinement, my face would heat up whenever she came into view, I could feel my throat run dry and my hands become sweaty when she stepped within a meter radius, and I could hardly think at all when I was talking to her.

Don't worry, I know:

**I was pathetic.**

How did I get myself into this predicament?

I don't really know. But I can tell you one thing.

I'm sure I didn't willingly fall in love with her. Hell, she's way out of my league.

Yeah, I already had my own fan club at the age of 8. Yeah, I have millions of desperate girls pining over me and drooling all over my pictures (I swear it is **not** a nice piece of information).

But when it comes to her it's just so.. different.

She made me feel something that nobody else has ever made me feel before. But to avoid sounding like some hopeless romantic pulled out of romance novels, I won't say it.

Heck, why does it even matter.

I will admit it.

I was head over heels for her. Love? Obsession? I don't care what you call it. I just don't know anymore, okay?

She's damaged my thinking processes. I can't _think _straight anymore.

If she asked me to jump off a cliff, I'd do it hands-down.

**I was lovesick.**

I never imagined myself to be this crazy about a girl. When I was five, I swore I would never, ever be like the guys on those chick flicks—you know, looking like the girl is all that matters. But here I am, being just that.

But I can't just watch from the sidelines for forever.

I gathered up all of my guts, got ready to throw pride out the window (Do you see now how desperate I really am?), and I walked up to her.

We were in an empty hallway. Classes were just dismissed a while ago, but it being a Friday, most had scampered off to Central Town or shoot some hoops in the newly-built basketball court immediately.

"Imai-san!" I called out. My vocal cords, apparently, had not sensed that I was about to say something, and therefore my voice became a sort of croak, and I could_ feel_ red on my cheeks as soon as I heard my own voice.

She turned around.

Her eyes looked at me intently, as if studying me, before she replied, "What?"

"I..." I stopped and looked into her eyes.

**I was lost.**

I forgot what I was supposed to say completely. I had spent all night trying to mentally prepare a speech, and now it was like looking into her eyes triggered an automatic delete.

She waited for me to say something.

I just stood there, mouth open, words not coming out.

"Yes?" she asked, growing impatient.

I stood there agape like a fish for a few more seconds before I could compose myself.

Act cool, Ruka_. Act cool._

"Yo," I heard myself say.

I mentally slapped myself. I sounded like some street punk or gangster or whatever you call it.

She raised her left eyebrow questioningly at me.

I took in a deep breath.

"I really, really li—" the rest did not come out of my mouth.

"You really, really _what_, Nogi?" she asked me impassively.

"—like your hair today," said my mouth. Later I would have to train my mouth to say only what I wanted it to say.

She raised her eyebrow even more.

"Is that so?"

I found myself nodding.

"Alright," she said.

I would think she hesitated for a moment, then she opened her mouth, as if to say something, but closed it before anything came out.

Then she turned around and walked off.

_**Failed Attempts at Telling Hotaru Imai I Love her: **_**76 and counting**

I sighed and walked away to the opposite direction.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

_April 08:_ I think you--POTATO!

_April 13: _Maybe I--fire trucks are cool.

_April 17: _The thing is—did you know porcupines float on water?

_April 19_: I--had a cactus named James once.

_April 23:_ I have to say this. I--dreamt of a pink monkey last night.

_April 29: _Imai-san, I want you to know that—do you believe in aliens?

_May 03: _Do you know that I—your shoes are pretty.

_May 12:_ I think that I've—bananas are good for you.

_May 15:_ Imai, I--have you ever tried crying underwater?

_May 18: _I—cookies are good.

_May 24:_ I lik—want to eat celery.

_May 29:_ I really—think ducks are cute.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Tomorrow, I'll have to try again.

I'm going to be looking more and more insane in her eyes, but that doesn't matter.

Because,

**I was in love with her.**

I still am, and I always will be.

And I'm planning on telling her just that.

Soon.

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**A/N:**

Sooo... well, I wrote this story one fine rainy (_very_ rainy) day at 5 in the morning because I was bored once again. I don't really know how I feel about this story. I just really wanted to write an R x H story. And this is the product of that. This will be pretty short. Maybe about.. two chapters. Anyway, thanks for reading. Review! ;D


	2. Ask Him

**I was determined.**

Today I would ask him what he always seemed to want to say. All the time, he would look like he was going to tell me he had discovered a new planet that supported life or something as equally important. But he would always, always say something weird like "I liked Winnie the Pooh when I was younger."

_Ruka Nogi._

He was a really ..interesting specimen.

Ever since about three months ago, he had become more and more fascinating. He would say the most random things, and I had tried so hard not to burst out laughing one day when he said, "If I was a salad I hope I'll have pineapples."

But somehow, deep down inside me, I was hoping he would tell me.. something else. Something I had always wanted to tell _him._

**I was pathetic.**

You know those romance novels that lots of (desperate) girls buy? You know, the entirely cliché love story of girl falling for super popular guy and/or vice versa?

Well, I'm telling you now.

Those stories were not as unrealistic as I used to think they were.

Because I fell in love with one of Gakuen Alice's most sought-after guys: Ruka Nogi.

Who would've expected me to fall for someone like him? Certainly not me.

At first I had tried to ignore the fluttery feelings inside of me when we talked or when we were together. I had thought that I had more taste than to fall for someone that everybody else fell for. I was always different. I liked it that way.

But it grew harder and harder to control the erratic beating of my heart. It became increasingly difficult to put up an emotionless face. He just made me so ..different.

**I was lovesick.**

I spent a lot of days—alright, _weeks_—okay, probably _months_—where I found myself unconsciously thinking/ dreaming about him.

I was grateful that I had an invention that prevented that Koko to read my mind, or else it would have been my downfall.

Not that I cared about my reputation if it would mean that guy saying he felt the same way. But that's not the case.

I knew that life wasn't a fairytale. It wouldn't end the way I want it to end. No matter how many stupid eyelashes I wish on, no matter how many stars, no matter how many nights staying up until 11:11, he wouldn't be falling in love with me.

He has an entire population of females to choose from. The chances of him choosing _me_ over some intelligent, rich, kind, caring, thoughtful, beautiful girl is very slim, if I do say so myself.

I mean, I don't deny the fact that I'm gifted—that's why I'm in Alice Academy, after all. But a lot of people have alices. A lot of people are smart. I'm just another face in the sea of those people.

I was walking down the hallway, pondering over things—him, I mean—like I always did.

It was relatively empty. The females were like wild animals let loose once the bell rang, and the guys went to the basketball court—or was it the soccer field? I don't know. Who cares, anyway.

"Imai-san!" I heard an all-too-familiar voice call out. It was a funny sound. Like a frog. Or a duck.

I turned around to face the blonde-haired owner of said voice.

He was insanely red. He probably heard his own voice.

I didn't realize that I was staring at him for a while, eyeing him, probably. "What?" I asked.

"I..." he stopped and met my eyes.

**I was lost.**

I wondered what he was going to say. His eyes said something more than what always came out of his mouth. I knew there was something important that he had to say, but he never said it.

I've heard frogs, and unicorns, and baseball bats, and mittens, and teachers, and political figures, and candy, and historical facts come out of his mouth, but none of them ever matched what his eyes said.

Which just made me.. confused.

He was standing there with his mouth open. There wasn't anything coming out. Or if there was any, it sure must've been unbelievably soft.

"Yes?" I finally asked. My voice sounded a bit impatient, I guess. I was in deep thinking. I hadn't meant for it to sound that way, but it did sound like just that, so there was no use correcting it.

He composed himself. I braced myself for what was to come.

"Yo," he said.

If you _heard_ him say it, and if you _saw _the expression on his face at that time, you would burst out laughing like some psycho, for sure. I tried not to laugh. Tried _really _hard.

To prevent the force tugging on my lips, I raised my eyebrow at him. I couldn't afford to open my mouth. I thought I might just break out into laughter instead of words.

"I really, really li—" he paused here. I could feel my heart sink again. Why he never said it, I don't know. But I wanted him to say it. Whatever it was. I wanted to know.

"You really, really _what_, Nogi?" I asked, trying to keep myself composed.

"—like your hair today," he answered.

I mentally sighed.

I took a few seconds to think of what to do next, before deciding to just raise my eyebrow more.

"Is that so?" I sounded a bit disappointed at this, but I don't think he realized it. At least, I wish he didn't.

He nodded.

I prepared myself.

I was going to ask him.

I had prepared my speech last night.

I could do this.

This was just like public speaking.

Yeah.

I was Hotaru Imai. This was supposed to be easy.

I opened my mouth slightly. Nothing came out.

I sighed softly, turned around, and walked away.

I couldn't ask him. Again.

I have given countless of impromptu speeches. I have held conferences for inventors, even. But asking one simple question was so hard.

_**Failed Attempts at Asking Ruka Nogi What He Really Wanted To Say:**_** 74 and counting.**

I looked back. He was walking the other way.

Later this night I'll be making another speech. And tomorrow, I'll try to ask him again.

I don't know whether or not words will come out this time or not.

I don't know whether or not Ruka already thinks that I'm some fish who opens and closes her mouth every time.

And I don't know whether or not all this stress I'm putting on myself and all the hours of sleep I missed will pay off in the end.

But I'm doing this anyway.

And I'm going to sound really cheesy, and the next thing I'm going to say will sound like something straight-out of the romance novels I was talking to you about earlier, but here it is:

It's because,

**I was in love with him.**

I still am, and I probably always will be.

**x-x-x End. x-x-x**

* * *

**A/N:**

Hm.. still wondering how I feel about this story :P Well, the important thing is for you to tell me how _you_ feel. Review, please ^^ 


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